Manila: The Musical or Why They Call It The Philippines
It isn’t why you think. Anyone who told you it had something to do with King Philip of Spain was wrong.Take a taxi from Ninoy Aquino International Airport to Ortigas on a Friday afternoon and you’ll discover it actually has more to do with that other Prince of the Easy Listening Pops, Phil Collins.
I have made a detailed study of Manila radio on the sixteen or so trips I have undertaken between NAIA and Ortigas this year (lucky me). In the thirty plus hours of travel time this comprises, I have heard one or more of Phil’s timeless classics on sixteen out of sixteen occasions. Ask any taxi driver and they’ll reaffirm the conclusion I’ve already reached: Phil Collins, the celebrated bardic voice of the republic, is in fact also the eponymous hero of the land.
“Oh yes ma’am, Phil Collins. Very emotional, for the heart...”
Sigh. Whether it’s the conscience-rousing strains of “In The Air Tonight”, the socially responsible wailing of “Another Day In Paradise” or just the damn fine pop goodness that is “Easy Lover” you can run, but you can’t hide ‘cause the cab ain’t leaving unless Phil comes with you.
Phil Collins: A Role Model For Every Philippine City?
No. While Manila radio has made it musically to 1989, Bacoleno radio is still emerging from the Easy Listening Early Eighties. And unfortunately, this interpretation of the ELEE appears to have been cut straight from an alternative universe where Ferdinand’s thought police have outlawed every band but one.
And that band, my friends, is Air Supply.
BACOLOD CITY, FRIDAY AM
“Hey Miss Beth” says the driver, turning suddenly to face me in the backseat of his taxi, “that Australian music is nice, but you should really learn some Filipino music on your guitar.”
Without even batting an eyelid, despite feeling a deep disturbance somewhere about my kidneys at the fact that this complete stranger appeared to know everything about me, and was heading towards a hapless flock of school children crossing the road even as he gazed in my direction, I levelly responded,
“Uh-ha. What do you think I should learn?”
A moment of deliberation ensued, just long enough for the radio DJ to switch from “Air Supply: Greatest Hits of Summer 1981” to “Air Supply: Lovin’ You In A Boring Kinda Way 1983”.
“Well ma’am. That Air Supply one. Those girls are good.”
“Uh-ha. Which one?”
Returning his eyes to the road, the taxi driver glanced in his rearview mirror, scanned the sidewalk, tapped his mobile phone to his head and scratched his cheek pensively. Finally he blushed a little.
“Ah, sorry ma’am, I don’t know which ones they sing.”
Air Supply: Sounds familiar, but which ones do they sing?
Neither, as it turns out, did I until quite recently. A little research on the subject, however, (see http://www.airsupply-online.com/facts.html) reveals that Air Supply actually sang every meaningless, predictable, bland yet strangely soothing song you ever heard in your parents’ car as a juvenile.To list a few: Every Woman in the World, Even The Nights Are Better, Lost In Love, ... I could go on for more than two decades, as Air Supply indubitably have, but I suspect you get the idea without overkill.
Further research reveals that Air Supply were not actually a female Filipino band at all, but rather the result of a dubious collaboration between two Russells who met on the set of Jesus Christ Superstar in Sydney in 1975.
Not to be confused with REO Speedwagon, who were also producing crap music around the same time, their online bio boasts that:
“The trademark sound of Russell Hitchcock’s soaring tenor voice and Graham Russell’s simple yet majestic songs created a unique sound that would forever be known as Air Supply”.
Having now become more Air Supply Aware, this is my official announcement to all Bacoleno taxi drivers and other interested parties that I am working on a much updated uber-hip version of “Lost in Love” as my contribution to Filipino arts and culture this year.
Becoming More Air Supply Aware
In the meantime, I strongly believe that there are things we should be doing to remove such musical cankers from the collective intellectual capability of human civilization. Tragically, while medical research has linked degraded IQ test scores with prolonged exposure to artists like Phil Collins, Air Supply and that other great Adult Contemporary Artist, James Taylor, public awareness of the sinister side effects of easy listening music is as yet lacking. One of my own recent surveys revealed the shocking result that 9/10 people were blissfully unaware that trace amounts of Air Supply in their air supply could cause real and permanent brain damage.
How long can we turn a blind eye to the rampant mental degeneration of our children in the backseats of cars everywhere?
In the name of a more intelligent planet, I’m hereby declaring June Air Supply Awareness Month. During this month I’ll be conducting a number of community awareness activities, including
· Leaflet drops
· Radio and television appearances
· Free acoustic concert in the park with updated versions of Air Supply favorites
· Series of “How to Program Your Playlist For The Nineteen Nineties and beyond” workshops
· Community CD / record bonfire night (note: Milli Vanilli records will not be accepted at this event.)
· Organised demonstrations and boycotts against businesses supporting the Easy Listening ethic
· Petitions
· Chanting
Anyone interested in organizing their own community event can contact me via e-mail or telepathy.
posted by Pinoy Zilla at 4:00 AM
2 Comments:
In Australia we are currently seeking people to protest for Air Supply to do a concert tour. We miss them, we need them. No, more than that, my life can't go on without them. They are more than every woman in the world to me. I need them, I want them, my life is not complete without them. Phil Collins, Genesis or Peter Gabriel just do not fill the void. They don't even touch the sides. They have to do so much work to get me turned on, it is such a shame. But Air Supply, oh Air Supply, they make me quiver, they make my loins shake, with just their words "even the nights are better".
From American Psycho. Jason Bateman has two women with him, who he sleeps with and then kills. He goes into this tirade about Genesis, only slightly better than the Whitney Houston, and Huey Lewis and the news one. Its all a bit weird really...
"Do you like Phil Collins? I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where, uh, Phil Collins' presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch was the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums. Christy, take off your robe. Listen to the brilliant ensemble playing of Banks, Collins and Rutherford. You can practically hear every nuance of every instrument. Sabrina, remove your dress. In terms of lyrical craftsmanship, the sheer songwriting, this album hits a new peak of professionalism. Sabrina, why don't you, uh, dance a little. Take the lyrics to Land of Confusion. In this song, Phil Collins addresses the problems of abusive political authority. In Too Deep is the most moving pop song of the 1980s, about monogamy and commitment. The song is extremely uplifting. Their lyrics are as positive and affirmative as, uh, anything I've heard in rock. Christy, get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your ass. Phil Collins' solo career seems to be more commercial and therefore more satisfying, in a narrower way. Especially songs like In the Air Tonight and, uh, Against All Odds. Sabrina, don't just stare at it, eat it. But I also think Phil Collins works best within the confines of the group, than as a solo artist, and I stress the word artist. This is Sussudio, a great, great song, a personal favorite."
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